dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
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You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
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I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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