I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
