today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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