i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
