Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
