I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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