the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
