sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
