You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize