party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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