My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
