I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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