Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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