took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
