oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
