I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
