I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
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He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
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I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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