Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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