I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
