Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
