I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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