two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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