the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The Olympian is in my bed
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