Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
