The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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