Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
