I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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