i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
