Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
