Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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