ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
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NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
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she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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