I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
