Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
