Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
