she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
And then he peed in my hair
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