Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
