you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he was CRYING into my vagina
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
