Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
