i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
