my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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