Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
