I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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