I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
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I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
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Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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