so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i dont even know how to be here
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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