I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
