OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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