Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
