My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
