If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
