She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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