Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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