Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
