New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
