Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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