Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
