he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize