Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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