whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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