I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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