dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
