Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
