she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
