yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
