u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
