I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
