final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
