would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
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Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
this hospital has no fireball
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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