i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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