Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
