When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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