EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
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lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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