I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Randomize
