i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
