I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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