With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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