the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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