That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
