i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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