It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
