Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
