a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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