Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
