I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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