i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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