It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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