Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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