i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the condom got lost in my hair
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
